Proverbs 14:4 It ain't clean, but...

When I was pregnant with Emmy, Don and I had our condo up for sale. For four months I had to keep the house picked up so that we could show it to prospective buyers. Molly was two at the time, so that meant following her around all day and picking up! When we finally moved into our new house, Don had grown so accustomed to our place looking like a model home, that he maintained that expectation. It was impossible with a new baby added to the mix! Laundry, puzzles, games, books, and dishes just kept multiplying like loaves and fishes!

Then one day, as I was reading through Proverbs, I came across this verse:

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,

    but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox. (Proverbs 14:4)

I rejoiced that God was acknowledging that a productive environment will NOT be immaculate! A clean barn (house) means nothing is happening! There is nothing productive going on! If you want profit, there will be a mess - including oxen poop on the floor! Model homes look the way they do, because no one lives in them! A house with fake TVs in the family room, fake food in the kitchen, and only three pieces of clothing hanging in the closet is not real! No one sleeps in those perfectly made beds. No meals are prepared or eaten at the sparkling kitchen bar.

God is all for getting things messy! It’s a sign that things are happening! Jon Courson has an interesting take on this passage. He believes that people who have to have everything perfect are not risk takers. They play it safe and don’t take on challenges. This is what he says:

Many people boast that their stable is clean. They don’t make mistakes. There are no “pasture patties” on the floor of their barn. But neither do they have any profit. You see, if a farmer boasts about the cleanness of the floor of his barn, it’s because he doesn’t have any livestock. Each one of us from time to time has a tendency to say, “I want a clean barn. Therefore, I’m not going to take a chance. I’m not going to accept a challenge. I’m not going to step out lest I mess up.” Yet the fear of failure is inevitably the father of failure. When we fear failing, we will inevitably end up doing just that. Oh, our barn floor might be as clean as a whistle. But inside, we’ll be empty.” (Jon Courson’s Application Commentary: Old Testament, Vol. 2, P. 220.)

One of the reasons I’ve always hated baking is because it is so messy. But I knew that when my girls were young, it was a mandatory activity. I needed to make cookies and cakes with my girls, because that was what good moms did. So I did it! I set aside my fear of flour-covered counters and rolled out the cookie dough! The girls loved it! In fact, I had them trained by the time they were 8 years old to make and decorate their own birthday cakes. They love baking to this day, and their homes often smell of freshly baked goodies! Don and I, on the other hand, only enjoy fresh-baked items from a bakery! :)

I was fortunate to have some wonderful older women as mentors when I was a young mommy, and I will never forget two of them, who were in their late 60’s at the time, telling me how much they regretted the emphasis that they had placed on having a clean home when they were raising their children. They were lamenting that they had wasted so much time dusting furniture and scrubbing the floor that could have been better spent ON the floor doing puzzles with or reading to their kids. So, in my opinion, one of the best investments a young family can make is to bring in a housekeeper a couple of times a month! :)

What’s the take-away from this verse? Well, it’s more than just relaxing about the state of my house (although I like that). I need to look at areas where I’m so worried about taking a risk to mess up, that I don’t step out of my comfort zone to do something “messy” for God. If I want to do something exciting for Him and with Him, I need to be prepared to roll up my sleeves and get dirty in the trenches. More on this later...  

Proverbs 13:24 Bring on the discipline!

Today’s verse has caused lots of controversy over the past 30 years for some reason:

Whoever spares the rod hates his son,

    but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. (Proverbs 13:24 ESV)

The ESV includes a note that an alternate translation for the last part would be, “he who loves him disciplines him early.” You can’t wait until they are already out of control. The absolute hardest part of being a parent, but the essential one, is disciplining your children - making disciples of them in a consistent way that shapes, not breaks, their spirits.

God did not call us to be buddies with our kids! He entrusts them to us to help guide them to an authentic relationship with Christ. This means you need a PLAN! You cannot parent haphazardly, reacting as things come up. You must intentionally have a game plan: know where you are going and keep that route in focus before you at all times.

The LORD commanded the Israelites to be diligent in discipling their children:

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

Note that this does not say, “Drop them at Sunday School and hope they’ll catch the faith.” Nor does it say, “Hire a Christian nanny or send them to Christian schools and pray they’ll learn about God.” The Word tells us very specifically that we will need to do the job ourselves. And it’s something that we should be doing naturally throughout the day. God should be our main topic of discussion: recounting His attributes, modeling how to pray and how to worship, seeing His glory in nature, experiencing His presence in trials, extending His grace and forgiveness throughout the day.

And sometimes discipling requires actual discipline! And early! One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that when parents refuse to set boundaries for their children early on, there will usually come a point when the child has done something so blatantly disrespectful or embarrassing in public, that then the parent just blows up! If you set boundaries for children early and consistently discipline (I’m not saying “hit” ), everyone is happier! This doesn’t mean that your child is not going to test the boundaries. They will! But if there is a consistent, appropriate consequence each time the lines are crossed, they WILL learn that Mom and Dad don’t budge. There’s security in that!

Now, going back to that idea of using the rod... Do you remember when we were little and got into trouble, our parents would smack us on the butt first and ask questions later? And that would usually be followed by another smack! Somehow we survived, and we learned that there were behaviors that were appropriate and others that weren’t. This helped us make friends and keep jobs! We learned that you needed to be respectful and polite, that you did not interrupt, that you NEVER jumped on the couch or left trash on the ground, and that marriage vows were to be honored! And many of us learned that God was to be revered and loved above all else. Now that’s discipline!  

Proverbs 13:20 The company you keep

“Choose good friends.” This is one of the sayings I have posted in my classroom. Since I’m usually teaching fifth graders who will be heading to middle school, I try to impress upon my students how important it is that they choose friends wisely. Studies have shown that the choice of friends between 8th grade and high school can be a huge factor in determining the way a teen will go. So I feel compelled to exhort my students to be especially careful with their associations in middle school. Not only because they should surround themselves with people who will encourage them and lift them up, but because they will be known by the company they keep.

When I was in high school we had some social clubs (like fraternities and sororities), and there was one club, the Nobles, that had all of the school “bad boys” in it. They were the jocks who were just a bit edgy and intimidating. So, we were all so surprised when the sweetest girl in our class started to date one of them. We were worried that he would corrupt her. Well, she married him, and more than 40 years later they are still in love, and have a slew of adorable grandchildren! Whenever I see them I marvel that this darling man hung out with the tough crowd! He couldn’t be sweeter! But back then we judged him by his group of friends!

Our verse today confirms the importance of choosing quality buddies:

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,

    but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

We become like those we hang around. So, if we are spending lots of time with Jesus, we will become more and more like Him. If we spend time with other believers, we will be encouraged in our faith. It just makes sense! Which is why verse 20 is in the Proverbs! We don’t have to steer clear of unbelievers. In fact we are to be a light to them, and we can’t do that if we hide out from them! However, we need the support of fellow believers to be able to stand firm against the pull of the world.

If you hang out with those who are wise, you will pick up some of that same wisdom! That sounds good to me!  

Proverbs 13:12 Please hold!

Is there anything more frustrating than waiting? Waiting in the wrong line at a store (and any line I’m in seems to be the wrong line)! Waiting on hold on the phone for customer service for ANY company while elevator music or a continuous looping message barrages your ear. Waiting for your plane to take off when you are heading home. Waiting in traffic when you are late for a doctor’s appointment, where you will continue to wait in a freezing exam room.

Once, when Molly and Emmy were little, we were waiting in line at a Sears counter. The salesgirl was taking forever to complete the transaction for the person in front of me. I began to huff and puff. Molly had a little friend who was with us, and when she saw me getting impatient, she looked up at me with her huge brown eyes and sang a song from the “Bullfrogs and Butterflies” album (a Christian children’s album that was very popular in the ’80’s - I’m dating myself here), and she sang this song, “Have patience, have patience. Don’t be in such a hurry. When you are impatient, you only start to worry. Remember, remember, that God is patient too, and think about the times when others have to wait for you!” If she weren’t so cute I would have belted her! :)

Sometimes waiting takes extreme patience. And sometimes it requires great endurance! When you are in the midst of a trial, waiting for something you desperately desire, waiting can make your heart sick. And that’s what today’s verse tells us:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

    but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12) 

The Message Bible puts it this way:

Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick,

    but a sudden good break can turn life around.

Hope deferred requires endurance! Waiting for years to find a mate, or to have that baby you desire, or to finally be able to afford a home, or to hear the doctor finally say that the cancer is in remission. Or waiting to hear your husband tell you he loves you. Waiting to see your loved one finally come to the Lord. Hope deferred. This is the long-haul faith walk that builds our testimony.

I love what Jon Courson writes about this verse:

God makes a promise. Faith believes it. Hope anticipates it. And patience waits quietly for it. That is the divine pattern we see in the pages of Scripture. Abraham was called the father of faith. Yet the Bible says it was only after he patiently endured that he obtained the promise (Hebrews 6:15). When the promise is fulfilled, however, what a joy it is. Even if it takes years, hang in there, gang. Be like Abraham and eventually your Isaac - or literally “Laughter” - will be birthed, as well. (Courson, Application Commentary: Old Testament, Vol. 2, P. 214.)

Hope waits even when the promise is not fulfilled in our lifetime. The book of Hebrews tells us that the heroes of faith did not live to see the Promised Messiah. Yet, they waited in faith that God would keep His promise!

What are you waiting for right now? Can you hold on? Your wait may require great endurance. Wait patiently. God hears you. He sees your distress. Your disappointment may seem unrelenting, but when God answers, you will rejoice and praise Him for His plan and His timing.  

Proverbs 13:8 What have I got to lose?

A man’s riches may ransom his life, but a poor man hears no threat. (Proverbs 13:8)

“Do you own your things or do they own you?” This is what comes to mind when I read Proverbs 13:8. This verse tells us that a wealthy person can ransom his way out of trouble with his money, but it’s the money that actually puts his life at risk to begin with. People looking for a gain of ransom are going after the wealthy - not the poor. So the very thing which could save him is what endangers the rich man!

When we have much we really do live at greater risk of loss. As the house begins to fill with things, we begin to worry more about protecting those things. We begin to hold on tighter. We worry about how to invest the money so that we can keep it. Maybe we move into a gated community to feel better protected. The very wealthy practically live in fortresses - gated compounds with electrified, video-monitored fencing. They hire bodyguards or security firms to protect them.

The poor don’t have that burden! In general no one is looking to gain anything from the poor. A thief isn’t going to bother his neighbor who has nothing. If you have ever been to a third-world country, you know that the people of those countries, whose standard of living is so very much lower than our own in America, seem to find joy in very simple things. This is not to glamorize poverty. There is nothing noble or romantic about being poor. Poverty is oppressive and can turn just as many to sin as excessive wealth. But Solomon is saying here that those who desire to be rich in material things are deceived if they think these will secure their happiness.

What are the things (not people) which you value so much that you would be devastated over losing them? A few months ago I was lying awake at 3:30 a.m., trying to go to back to sleep, when my mind went to thoughts of what would happen if we had a fire. What would I try to grab on my way out the door? Don and I used to actually have a list we kept in our top filing cabinet of things to grab. We made the list when I was pregnant with Molly, so at the top of the list to grab was “the baby!” :)

But as I was wrestling with this at 3:30, I realized that, at this point, since there are no babies to grab, there probably isn’t anything in our home that would be irreplaceable. Even many photos could be gathered from various sources. Everything else is just stuff! Yet the care of maintenance of this “stuff” consumes a lot of our time! And none of it can secure our future! Even the annuity we have for retirement is only as good as the company holding it!

I’m glad my trust is in my God, who holds all things securely in His hands. I know that if I were being threatened, He would grab me! And He wouldn't even need a list to remind Him!  

Don't lie to me!

In my church’s women’s Bible study, we are going through Kelly Minter’s book, No Other Gods. This past week the study focused on how we worship false gods because we believe lies. The antidote, of course, is a daily heaping of Truth from God’s Word! If we are steeped in the truth of the Bible, we will not be so easily deceived. Our leader last night quoted something our youth pastor tells the teens. He is passionate about getting them into the Word, and he tells them that they need to be in God’s Word EVERY day, because EVERY day people are going to lie to them. I love that! It’s so true! Today’s verse in Proverbs speaks to this:

The righteous hates falsehood,

    but the wicked brings shame and disgrace. (Proverbs 13:5 ESV)

Jon Courson points out that the verse does NOT say that the righteous never tell a lie. We are all guilty of presenting falsehoods at one time or another. And certainly we are guilty of believing them! But we who love Christ, HATE lying! Yet, we fall prey to it over and over! It’s so important that we not only do not speak lies, but it is equally important that we don’t believe them!

Maybe you are bound by lies that come at you from the media that accuse you of being worthless, a failure, unforgivable, unlovable, too fat, too dumb, not sexy enough, not wealthy enough, or the worst parent ever! Whatever lies you are believing, there is only one cure: the Truth! Our pastor is always saying that the truest thing about you is what the Bible says is true.

Here’s just a glimpse of what the Bible says is true about you:

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(Jeremiah 29:11)

Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. (Psalm 136:26) {NOTE: in case you're not sure how long He will love you, read the whole Psalm - you’ll get it after the first few verses! }

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5)

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, { NOTHING } will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,  that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,  and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:14-19)

Okay, you get the idea! He LOVES you with a never-ending love that is beyond our comprehension. He loved you enough to send His Son to die for you while you were still a crummy sinner! Nothing you could ever do can undo His love for you! He actually rejoices and sings over you LOUDLY because you are His delight! Think about how much you loved to watch your children when they were little - especially when they were asleep. Remember standing over the crib and just being overwhelmed by that love? That’s how our Heavenly Father feels about us ALL of the time!

Hate the lies - don’t speak them, and don’t believe them! Cling to the Truth - and stay in it each day, because, as our youth pastor says, you will be lied to every day!  

If you can't say something nice...

I remember sitting at my best friend’s kitchen table when I was in third grade, and I was talking to my friend about another girl in our class. My friend’s mother, who was cooking dinner, turned to me and said in a very gentle but firm voice, “Now, Sally, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” I was stunned and so embarrassed, but was forever grateful for the rebuke!

Not that I never said something that wasn’t nice after that day . . . just being real, here! But I really DO try to consciously make my mouth an instrument of encouragement. And, as a teacher, I’m constantly echoing these words. In fact, I just took a girl in my class aside last week and told her this very thing! It’s the message of today’s verses:

A wise man heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.

From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence.

He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. (Proverbs 1-3, NIV 1984)

Verse 2 shows us that when we speak good things from our mouths, we not only bless the hearer, but we also bless ourselves. And don’t you feel better after you’ve said something nice to someone and seen his response? But when you snipe at someone or critically attack a person, and you see them crumble, a bit of you shrivels up as well.

And so frequently these harsh words are directed at those we are supposed to love the most - our family! How much better to thank my husband for always taking out the trash or for the wonderful way he makes time for the grandkids, than to gripe because he left the dishes in the sink again, or, worse, put them in the dishwasher the wrong way! Can anyone relate?

Verse 3 says that when we guard our lips, we actually are guarding our lives! How much damage we can inflict, with long-lasting effects, when we speak rashly! Once the words escape our mouths, we can never take them back. And there are so many untruths we speak when we are angry! Many of them begin with “You always...” or “You never...” And one of my personal least favorites, “Everyone thinks...” Each of those is always followed by something nasty and untrue! And you can’t undo the damage done.

LORD, teach us to guard our lips - to hold back on the negatives, but to flow, instead with benedictions. May we be slow to speak, unless it's to bless!