Proverbs 23:15-16 My cup runneth over!

Before I get started, I’m going to solicit your prayers for the latest additions to our extended family. Late last night, my niece, Amanda, delivered twins, Cole Samuel Royer (2 lb. 14 oz), and Ramona Grace Royer (2+ lbs). They were about a month early! Both babies are doing well in NICU and Mom is resting. I think Dad, Chris, is exhausted! Please pray for these teeny ones, that God would keep His hand on them as they grow quickly. Pray for rest and peace for Amanda and Chris and for my sister, Susie, Amanda’s mother, who is across the country wanting with all her heart to be there! Thank you, LORD, for these sweet babies!

Today’s verses are timely as they express a parent’s deepest desire:

My son, if your heart is wise,

    my heart too will be glad.  
My inmost being will exult

    when your lips speak what is right. (Proverbs 23:15-16)

This verse reminds me of the Apostle John’s exultation upon hearing news of one of his “children” in Christ:

For I rejoiced greatly when the brothers came and testified to your truth, as indeed you are walking in the truth.  I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John:3-4)

Even before our children are born, as soon as we know a baby is on the way, we begin to pray for them, and we begin to dream of all we want them to become. I was not a Christian before Molly was born, but she was the one who lead me to the LORD, because my deepest desire was that I raise her in the Truth. It was that thought that compelled me to search for God in truth. I knew that there could only be one Truth, and that, logically, not all religions could be true. So, I have always called Molly my “angel child” because she lead me to find, not a religion, but Jesus!

So it was my constant prayer as the girls were growing, that they would love the Truth, and that they would walk with the LORD all of their days. They loved Jesus from the time they were little, but I knew their biggest test would be when they actually left home for college. I knew they would have to make their faith their own. I still remember visiting Molly during her first year of college and seeing her so grounded in the Word, having committed herself to a great church, to wonderful Christian fellowship and Bible study. As we Don and I drove home from that visit I “exulted,” praising God the whole way home for Molly’s love for Christ.

And, as I watched Emmy, over and over in college, seek the LORD and His wisdom in her choices, I stood amazed at God’s faithfulness! When both girls married men who loved Jesus, too, I knew “no greater joy!”

So, today, my prayers are for little Cole and Ramona. May they grow in their knowledge of Christ, may they walk in His truth, and may they dedicate their lives to loving and serving our LORD. Thank you, LORD, for your faithfulness to Amanda and Chris as they welcome them into their family!  

To spank or not to spank...

Here are some verses that have, only in recent years, been considered controversial:

Do not withhold discipline from a child;

    if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 
If you strike him with the rod,

    you will save his soul from Sheol. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

In my father’s generation, this would have been phrased as “give him a whippin’ !” When I was growing up, this would have been phrased as The Message puts it:

Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones;

    a spanking won’t kill them.

A good spanking, in fact, might save them

    from something worse than death. 

First off, let’s note that these verses presume that the father, like our Father in Heaven, LOVES his child and wants the best for him. The Bible does not advocate here the beating or abuse of a child. The goal in mind of the father is to help his child to become more Christ-like.

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? 

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,

    nor be weary when reproved by him. 
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

    and chastises every son whom he receives.” 
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 
 ...For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-7,11)

I rarely spanked my girls [although I had to wash Emmy’s mouth out with soap a couple of times - she was a sassy little thing]. But when I did, it was just a quick swat on the bottom and always followed by much hugging and kissing and talking about consequences and forgiveness. The key for any kind of discipline is a cooling off period. Giving a child a time out allows her to save face and both of you time to calm down. Often the need for further discipline can be completely avoided this way.

Whatever discipline system parents choose, it needs to be consistent. The main idea of discipline is to build Christ-like character in our children and to demonstrate to children that all actions have consequences, both good and bad. Children need to understand the cause and effect relationship of their choices, so vain threats of punishment, or outrageous punishments that you have no desire to actually enforce, only confuse kids and undermine all authority in their lives. Therefore, choosing consequences must be carefully thought out and agreed upon by parents BEFORE discipline is needed, and follow-through is essential.

Years ago I had a parent of a student who emailed me the week before school got out wondering if his son could have some extra credit in spelling to avoid the “D” he had earned, because there was “a lot riding on it.” Really? I called the father and told him that we do not do extra credit in spelling, and that, even if we did, I would not want to allow his son to do it. His son had admitted to me all year long that he never studied for a spelling test, so why would I reward that? I was curious about what exactly was “riding on this.” Apparently, this father had told his son that if he didn’t make up that grade, he would not be allowed any video games the entire summer! Dad did NOT want to follow through on this one, because he did not want to entertain his son (the father worked out of his home).

I had to tell the father that he had, unfortunately chosen a rather unrealistic punishment, but he would nevertheless need to follow up on the threat in order to maintain credibility with his son. I suggested that, instead of watching video games, his son might take spelling tests all summer! :) I reminded him of the importance of selecting discipline, and that maybe he should have dealt with the poor spelling grades earlier in the year...

The goal of a parent is to raise a child who can successfully make his way in the world. You want your child to be able to socialize well, to be the one that other parents love to invite into their homes, and to one day sustain relationships and hold a job. I always tell parents, “Your job is to get rid of your child. If they cannot successfully move out by at least 22, we have a problem.” Ignoring obnoxious behaviors may be the “easy” way out in the short term, but in the long run it will ruin a kid and create much bigger problems later. Sometimes the “rod” of discipline is necessary and less painful for everyone involved!

If you are the parent or grandparent of a toddler, click here to listen to a great radio broadcast from Focus on the Family. After you get the page up, click on “Real-World Advice on Parenting Toddlers” and then for some exrta tips click on “Structure and Sharing.”   Happy disciplining!

Proverbs 23:1-3, 6-8 Sometimes a table for one is preferable!

I decided to go to The Message Bible for today’s verses, which offer some very practical advice when dining with others:

When you go out to dinner with an influential person,

    mind your manners:

Don’t gobble your food,

    don’t talk with your mouth full.

And don’t stuff yourself;

    bridle your appetite. 
 ...Don’t accept a meal from a tightwad;

    don’t expect anything special.

He’ll be as stingy with you as he is with himself;

    he’ll say, “Eat! Drink!” but won’t mean a word of it.

His miserly serving will turn your stomach

    when you realize the meal’s a sham. (Proverbs 23:1-3,6-8)

Both of these verses have to do with accepting invitations to dine with two kinds of people. The first is the wealthy, influential person. An invitation from this person probably turns your head a bit, because it seems a privilege, especially in our era of celebrity worship. How exciting to be considered a “friend” of the influential. Hey, that’s nothing! As Christians, we are children of the King of Kings!

In the English Standard Version you see a bit more about the influential person in verse 3: "Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive."  I’m thinking this adds a nuance to the character of the influential person - he’s probably manipulative. His motivation for inviting you to dine may not be just to enjoy your company! So the warning is to be careful when dining with him. Watch your manners, but be wary of your own desire to impress him and your own tendency to be impressed BY him!

The second person identified in these verses is the tightwad, who extends a generous invitation, but in reality is counting the cost of every bite you take. Have you ever noticed that sometimes the stingiest people are the ones with the most money? Maybe that’s how they have amassed their money - by holding onto it with both fists. This person invites you to feast while adding up in his head the cost of each bite you take!

These people may make dining alone look like the better option! Certainly you would want to think twice before accepting an invitation from either of them. However, the more important lesson here may be to determine not to be one of them! When we offer invitations, do we seek out those who can do something for us? Do we have a motivation other than just enjoying the company of friends?

How are we with our money? Are we generous with others, or do we also fret inwardly when we are paying the way for others? When splitting up a check at a restaurant do we get out our calculators to be sure we don’t pay one cent more than our “fair share?” Do we hold onto our money so tightly that we have forgotten how to give generously what is God’s anyway? What kind of hosts are we?

I love how the Proverbs are so real!

Proverbs 22:28 Know your boundaries

Do not move the ancient landmark

    that your fathers have set. (Proverbs 22:28)

The Message says it this way:

Don’t stealthily move back the boundary lines

    staked out long ago by your ancestors.

Boundary lines establish limits. They tell us how far we can go before we have left one piece of land and entered another. They protect property and are set up to prevent us from unwittingly crossing into the territory of another. Some people see them in a negative light - as restrictive and denying freedom. Others see them as a good thing - a way to get our bearings.

Psychologists tell us that little children actually like boundaries, because they make them feel secure. Even though children will push the limits, they want to know that the boundaries are secure. Dr. James Dobson, in his wonderful book, The Strong-Willed Child, used the example of the security guard at a shopping center. He is going to test all of the doorknobs as he makes his rounds, but he wants to find them securely locked.

God has given us His boundary lines in His Word. He has established His plan for our lives and has clearly marked His Way. Because we belong to Him, we know we are safest when we stay within His boundaries. The good news is that His boundaries are unchanging, because He Himself never changes. And as long as we remain in Him, we will be secure.

Today’s proverb tells us not to move those boundaries. Don’t mess with God’s Word! The whole of it is inspired by God - not just the parts we like.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. (2Timothy 3:16-17)

The world has continually tried to chip away at God’s Word. Even Thomas Jefferson actually physically cut out passages of scripture from his Bible that he didn’t like - thus there is a Jeffersonian Bible in the Library of Congress with holes in it! Our culture is ever-changing, and our values fluctuate. Those things which were once considered appalling are now completely accepted and celebrated. But God’s Word remains.

All flesh is like grass

    and all its glory like the flower of grass.

The grass withers,

    and the flower falls, 
but the word of the Lord remains forever. (I Peter 1:24-25)

Don’t mess with the boundaries. They are not there to restrict our freedom, but to mark God’s ownership of us. They are there for our protection and will lead us to an abundant, joy-filled life. Jesus is the living Word of God. We need to remain in Him!  

Proverbs 22:13 Lazy or fearful?

The sluggard says, “There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!” (Proverbs 22:13)

If ever there was a random verse, this one seems to be it! It certainly caught my eye this morning! What in the world? How is this meaningful to my life? Well, knowing that there is every single word in this book was God-breathed, I decided this one needed some thinking.

A sluggard is someone who is truly lazy - barely able to get his butt off the couch. He is a passive person, content to let the rest of the world go by outside, while he will just watch from the window, safely inside his home. This is someone who is never gung ho about anything. When asked if he wants to join in an activity, he’s likely to shrug his shoulders and say, “Whatever...” In this instance, the sluggard excuses his slothful attitude by claiming there is grave danger in going out. In fact, there is a lion in the streets! Did the lion escape from a traveling circus or the zoo?

The reality is that in our world, there is indeed a lion in the streets. In fact, Peter warns us that Satan is that lion.

Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)

Is this sluggard merely being prudent? I don’t think so. While Satan, our adversary, poses real danger, we know that our God is greater.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Our God is the Sovereign King of the Universe. He is the God of angel armies. If He is for us, who can be against us? Paul asks this question in Romans 8:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, 
         “For your sake we are being killed all the day long;

               we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” 

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39)

No, because this verse in Proverbs tells us that the man in question is a sluggard, we know that he is full of excuses - maybe a little fear mixed in with laziness. Maybe he is someone who has a fear of failure, so would rather play it safe by never venturing out.

So what does that have to do with me? Whenever I am presented with an opportunity to serve God or whenever He is asking me to step out of my comfort zone, maybe to share the gospel directly with someone, or to tackle a project that seems too hard for me, do I waiver because of fear of failure or laziness? Do I look for convenient excuses or roadblocks? What am I afraid of? Hard work, or failure, or maybe both?

Fall is usually the time when churches and other organizations gear up for the year ahead. Opportunities to serve or to step out are abundant. Maybe your church needs more adults to serve in children’s ministries. Maybe a friend has invited you to join the new Bible study starting up, and you are looking for excuses to say, “No.” Is it fear that is stopping you? Remember the One who is on your side! Is it laziness? Remember the One who is on your side. He is not only able to strengthen you for the task, He is willing. Step out and watch the lion run away!  

Proverbs 22:6 Let the training begin!

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

Well, it’s the first day of school, and parents everywhere are doing their happy dances! In our district, due to the furlough cuts last year, this was the longest summer we will ever see. So, I’m actually doing a happy dance myself! I’m ready! The room is clean, pencils are sharpened, books are ready to be distributed, name plates are made, and for the last time in the school year, my desk is cleared and I can actually see the wood veneer.

Next to being a parent, I believe teaching is the most important job in the world. I’ve been given the privilege to teach and to train children. So, today’s verse is meaningful to me. I’ve always seen this verse as a wonderful promise from God that, if we are diligent to train our children, they will stay on the right path. And, yet, I know many parents who seemed to do everything right, and their children are not walking with the LORD - yet! I say, “yet,” because I don’t believe that God is finished with us until He is finished with us.

My father-in-law was an example of someone whose parents loved and served God (his father was a Baptist minister who prayed faithfully for his children and unborn grandchildren). Yet, Frank spent most of his life ignoring the God of his father. I believe God kept him alive until he finally surrendered.

So, what is it with this verse? I like what Jon Courson has to say about it. “There’s a difference between training and teaching. A teacher tells you what to do. A trainer shows you how to do it.”  (Jon Couson's Application Commentary: Old Testament, Vol. 2; P. 249)  Now, while I could argue that a good teacher DOES actually show a student how to do it, I get his point. While a teacher may disseminate information, a personal trainer will get on the mat with you and show you all of the moves you need. They have been where you are and have disciplined themselves to reach their peak, so they can model for you how you can best get fit. They will lead and you will follow.

As a parent, it is not enough that we disseminate information about Jesus Christ to our children. It’s not enough that we read Bible stories, pray, take the kids to Sunday School, and even serve in a ministry at church, although ALL of that is part of the training we need to do. But if that’s all they get from us, and they aren’t actually seeing how to put it into practice in the trenches by our example, we haven’t gone far enough.

Our children need to see us exercising our faith daily. They need to see us in the day-to-day struggles acting out our faith and trusting God. They need to see us responding in love when we encounter needs, trusting when we’ve been disappointed, forgiving when we’ve been hurt, humbling ourselves and repenting when we’ve been wrong, and completely surrendering to God’s will in the big and the little things of life. They need to see authenticity. They also need to see us trusting God with our finances. They need to see us modeling contentment in a very materialistic world. They need to see us generously giving back to God what He has given to us.

Even parents who do all of this see their children walk away. But I want to offer the encouragement to those of you who are hurting over a wayward child (even adult child). I have seen, over and over, adult children, who seemed beyond reach, return to the LORD of their childhood. I became a Christian in my late twenties, and when I went to one of my high school reunions after that, I saw that several people in my class had written in their biographies that they, too, had become Christians. I sought each one of them out to hear their stories. Every single person, without fail, had the same basic story. When they came to a point of need in their lives, they remembered the stories or hymns they had learned in Sunday School as children, and they knew where to turn.

This was a major impact on my view of children’s ministries. Seeds planted when children are little do take hold. Children need lots of training when it comes to their faith. How are we getting on the mat with them?

Off to meet my new group!  

Proverbs 22:1 A Good Name, Indeed!

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold. (Proverbs 22:1 ESV) 

FRANK GWINN WHITE

1923-2013

It has been nearly a month since I sat in front of my computer to look into the book of Proverbs. I’ve had a hard time facing a blank page... Since we came home from Colorado (which was WONDERFUL, thank you, LORD) - it has been surreal here. We returned late on Sunday, July 21. I spent the entire day, Monday, in meetings while Don did laundry. Tuesday I spent a delightful day with my dear friend Pammie, her daughter Erin, and baby Royce, for whom we prayed through the first months of his life. He is now 17 mos. old, and although he is delayed physically (just beginning to sit up and scooting all over the floor), he is very bright and the happiest baby you have ever seen! He is a testament to the power of prayer and to the grace of God!

Late Tuesday, Don and I finally went to visit Frank, his father. When we arrived he complained of a little sore throat, so we gave him some Mucinex just in case a cold was starting. We had a nice conversation with him and left him to sleep. His condition deteriorated rapidly and the hospice put nurses there around the clock. On Thursday, our daughters, who had extended their stays in Colorado, both returned home.

By Friday, when our daughter, Molly, and her family were visiting him in the late afternoon, they called us to say he had just a few more hours. Emmy and her family and our darling niece, Laurin, and her husband, Ben, rushed over, and we spent the most amazing night holding Dad’s hands, singing hymns and praise songs, praying together, and alternately crying and laughing as we reminisced. The nurses could tell that he responded to our presence, even though we could not communicate directly with him. The next day Don’s brother, Dave, and his wife, Nancy, and their other daughter, Amy, were able to join us, and we saw him peacefully into eternity Saturday afternoon.  We were so thankful for God's timing - that we were all home from Colorado and able to be with him. And we will be forever indebted to the sweet hospice caregivers and nurses who cared for him with such love.

We laid Dad to rest this past Friday with a very intimate, family-only funeral. It was so special! I had given Molly’s husband, Kevin, two large boxes of family photos, and he put together the most beautiful slideshow that made us laugh and cry. It was a glorious tribute to the most gentle man I’ve ever known. Two sailors from Camp Pendleton came up and presented an American flag at the graveside and played taps in honor of his WWII service as a Navy Lieutenant in the Pacific theater.

Frank Gwinn White left a wonderful legacy for our family. He was a devoted, committed husband, and a playful, instructive father, who shared so many skills and values with Don and Dave. Frank was my father-in-law for almost 42 years, and because my own father died when I was in my mid-thirties, he was my only father for nearly thirty years. Don and I were so blessed to have him living so close to us for the last three years of his life. It was an honor to be able to care for this sweet man. We will miss him terribly, but we are so grateful to the LORD that he is finally at home! As Molly said, right after he passed, “He can now hear and see again!”

Dad had little money at the end. He was never of man of wealth. But he had a “good name!” He was beloved and honored by all who knew him. As he declined in health the past few years, he maintained a humility and dignity, even as he was having to be cared for, that left a lasting impression of grace in difficulty that we will hope to emulate as we, too, enter into that phase of our own lives. Who needs silver and gold when you clearly have “loving favour?” God blessed him, and us, indeed!